Back to Running

It’s the first day of summer. I can still see the remaining poppies blossoming across the field, bright and distinct as today’s morning run.

Back in the Philippines, I don’t see these flowers. What I see is the ocean, the sand, the taste of the air, and the glistening waves that run along with me. I remembered a verse in proverbs as I was running today. It says:

He who refreshes others will himself be refreshed.

I realized that this word refresh doesn’t always mean something new. It means that, at my age, the things we have learned can be refreshing. It means I don’t need new advice, a new friend, new surroundings every time, although that would also be nice. It means that it can be enough — what I have learned thus far in my life. I can get it, remember it, let it teach me. Being refreshed means knowing how to learn again and putting it in my life so I can move forward.

Yesterday, I chatted with an old friend, a person who I have considered a mentor in my time in the university. I have always look at her with high regard. I was excited that I got a message and excited that I got to share my recent life. But her messages made a wrong turn when she asked why my miscarriage happened, why the baby’s heart stopped beating. And how do I answer with the feeling that this person doesn’t even have compassion for what happened? How and in what way would someone know why there’s a miscarriage.

So here is what being refreshed means: I forgave. I moved on. I didn’t dwell on the offense. Although, the offense has to be recognized for me to move forward.